The Biathlon Top 10 list

In the tradition of Cory Smith (who? - click his name to find out), and David Letterman (you can find his website on your own), the SBC is proud to unveil the new Biathlon top 10 list. The list will be updated whenever a good list idea is thought of. You may email lists to Tom.

The top 10 ways/places to fall: (I've done all of these so far, except #10, which I'm sure I'll attain someday. -Tom)

  1. Leaving the starting line.
  2. While going uphill.
  3. Poling between your legs.
  4. Tripping over someone else's poles, skis, body, etc...
  5. Sliding across the finish line on your face.
  6. Crossing your ski tips.
  7. Causing a major pile up at the bottom of a downhill.
  8. In the penalty loop of a biathlon race.
  9. At high velocity in fresh powder.
  10. While standing still.

Past Lists

This past weekend both Tom and Pat had good results in the same race for the first time all season, here are the top 10 reasons why...

  1. Stayed at the Chateau d'Russ.
  2. Finally learned all the shortcuts at Osceola.
  3. Decided to hit some targets.
  4. Were we supposed to ski penalty loops?
  5. Raced the woman's loop.
  6. Oatmeal - thanks Bert (Inside joke - sorry)
  7. If you wax enough skis, one pair is bound to be fast.
  8. Wanted to win a poster and hear Russ sing "Oh Canada".
  9. Tom: "Pat was there???"
  10. Pat: "Tom was there???"

The top 10 reasons why Pat hit ZERO targets in the first race of the World Team Trials at Lake Placid. This list was submitted by club member Jack Connor.

  1. Zeroed using a telescope from a box of "Cpt'n Crunch"
  2. Operating Instructions to his Baikal are in Russian.
  3. Hey, he and Curt averaged 50% between them.
  4. Put bullets in backwards.
  5. Thought that "cleaning them" meant MISSING all ten.
  6. Four dirty words: "Why waste time zeroing?"
  7. Thought race was primitive biathlon - shot blackpowder and musket balls.
  8. Did not want that guy from Canada who only hit one target to feel bad.
  9. Shooting lessons from Tom Temple starting to pay off!
  10. Shot with snow caps up to save time getting back on the course.

The top ten reasons why Pat and Tom skied a combined 17 penalty loops in Saturday's sprint race at Osceola

  1. Tom: Turbulance.
  2. Pat: blinded by Tom's bright yellow suit.
  3. Tom: wrong hat.
  4. Pat: 5 shots to zero... might not be enough.
  5. Tom: skis on wrong feet.
  6. Pat: doesn't hitting metal count?
  7. Tom: distracted by Russ's pink suit.
  8. Pat: unlucky earmuffs.
  9. Tom: loose front sight (actually the truth).
  10. Pat: knew Tom's front sight was loose.

Top 10 signs you may be a bad biathlete

  1. You call yourself a biathloner, and go biathloning.
  2. The only time you hit a target is when you crossfire.
  3. You need climbing skins to make it up the hills.
  4. You fall asleep on the mat while shooting prone.
  5. Since you spend more time sliding through the snow on your butt than on your skis, you wax your racing suit.
  6. You have a better chance of hitting the targets by throwing the bullets rather than shooting them.
  7. You spend more time in the penalty loop than any other part of the course.
  8. You miss five shots and ski six penalty loops.
  9. Your wax of choice, Crayola sky blue.
  10. You couldn't hit the target with a bazooka.